i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
