end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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