just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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