Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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