you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there's paper in my vomit.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
