this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
