I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
