yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
