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• (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

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• (845): View more from New York

  i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.

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• (+33): View more from France

  I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Sex and compliments. The way to my heart

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!

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