Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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