Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
