imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
