my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
