we made out on top of his cat.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize