some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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