He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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