Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
