life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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