OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
