So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
