I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
