it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
