i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
