After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
