wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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