mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
