I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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