I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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