i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
