You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
