First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
