i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
did i just pee glitter
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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