Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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