Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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