I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
