Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
