I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
