my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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