So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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