i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize