Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
