Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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