The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
