What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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