this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
