Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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