i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize