The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
