I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
