Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
