You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
