I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
