i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
