ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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