Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
