I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
