it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
