I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
