Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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