Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
