i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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