well you can't waste a boner
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
