just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
