just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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