the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
