There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You took a bar mat shot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
