I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
