Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
