My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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