I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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