Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
