So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
