Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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