I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
